Apparently we're the JonGUS show now!

Notes. What exactly is the point of a note? Nobody says anything really important with these notes, when in reality they reach potentially thousands of people with a few words and a single click. But nobody does shit with them.

Most people write sureys. Which is all fine and dandy, especially if you have some specific question you want to answer. But why not just answer that question and skip the rest. Life's too short to waste on unimportant questions. And there's too damn many important questions to waste your time.

I'e never made a facebook note before. So what do I really want to say with this note? Absolutely nothing. Because nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit what I or anyone else wants to say. We're all enveloped in our own narcissistic nightmares, and there't nothing we can do about it. Once you start down that path, there's little else you can say but "Fuck it," and have a nice ride.

So what am I really trying to say, I wonder. Is it pain that I wish to bring? Is it songs that I wish to sing? No, What I really want is something real; Something that takes me out of this world. Are we all important? Probably not. Will we all be remembered? Most certainly not. But do we all hae something to say? Most definitely. So what's stopping us from saying it? A few words and a click? An so, I wonder, what are you trying to say?

Double up, you can never be too careful.

So I'm just throwing this out there, but I think I have an idea for the next Summer Block Buster Smash. It's called Shia LeBeouf versus the Mole People.

Here's a little excerpt from the script.

Mole People: You're the only one who can help us, Shia LeBeouf!

Shia LeBeouf: No way, no way, why me, no way, okay fine.

Mole People: We need the special magical crystal shard that was your twin uncle's brother's sister's dog's pet .

S.B.: What? No way, why me, what for, okay, but no way.


So that's pretty much what I've got so far, but I think it's safe to say that the rest of the script will just kinda write itself.  I'm thinking Denzel Washington should play the mystical black man who provides helpful guidance and wisdom along the way. Maybe Jonny Depp.

I'm still waiting for a call back from Ron Howard. I told him his dad could play the priest.

Well folks, there you have it.  We've been telling you since late 2005, and you've been ignoring us.  Dylan Carr has finally succumbed to the pressure, and come out of the closet.  This historical moment took place at 12:24 on January 18th of 2009 (for reference, please see the corresponding facebook status update).  Mark your calenders for next year, as there will be a party.  We would like to congratulate Dylan on this noble move, but assure him that despite all this, he's still a fag.

Just FYI

POETRY IS NO REASON TO IGNORE THE RULES OF COMMAS
IF YOU WANNA CREATE A PAUSE
JUST START A FUCKING NEW LINE 



On a completely different note, Livejournal thinks that my password is too easy to guess. So I'll give $5 to anyone who can guess it on their first try.

Kay hey, so I betcha here's something you didn't know. You know that fat little plumbing italian bastard that's in like,  94 friggin video games, right? Super Mario? Well yeah, you probably knew who he was, but DID YOU KNOW the original ORIGIN of SUPER MARIO?!?!%^#(andluigi)?!@#$?

Turns out, super mario originally started as a german comic strip back in 1962 in the Deutschen Zeiton called "Uber Adelhoff". It starred a guy named Rudolf Schenker, who was this bald german motherfucker who just ate a lot of mushrooms and tripped out and saw like, scorpions and shit. It wasn't in the paper very long, but it inspired this one german reader, whom we will refer to as Ned, to go out shooting ducks in the woods whilst on a bunch of shrooms.

Now excuse me, I'm gonna go play nintendo.

hey nahneenahneenahneehoo

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dylan.
Dylan who?
Dylan doesn't have facebook.  Fag.

Fine.
Dead baby humour for today.

What do Cletus and Ethel call a C-section gone wrong?

Supper.

I was disgusted at myself for making that, so try not to berate me with words. But you could do it with...pancakes, or something.

Ok, it only took Agnus over half a month to update, so I'm going to make my update less than a day after he makes his. I'm also going to spell his name Agnus. So ya, I've noticed that it seems to be the trend amongst you hipsters to post descriptions of people, and then have them guess which one they are. This is going to kind of suck because I don't know who half the people who read the journal are, and most of the ones who I do I can't think of anything funny to say about them. So you'll mostly have to guess for other people, and then cry because you're not on it. I don't care, I do what I want!

1. You were edge yesterday, but not anymore
2. You are edge today, but may not be tomorrow
3. You suck at making updates, and are the robin (note lower case to establish my superiority) to my Batman, no, wait. The alfred (once again, the lower case) to my Batman.
4. You wish you had a red hunting hat.
5. You're gay, and not dylan.
6. You're gay, and not joe.
7. You're artsy.
8. I have no fucking clue who the hell you are, you update more than I believed was physically possible, and you pollute my friends page with lesbian porn.
9. You're a pedophile, and wear sweatervests. I'm staying the hell out of your neighbourhood.
10. You can't say "cheese".
11. You disgrace all bands from montreal by being a crappy band, and the make Canada disgrace itself by giving you a Juno.
12. You're ugly
13. You're fat
14. People question your literacy
15. You're emo as sin.
16. You cry a lot.
17. You speak gibberish
18. You're Jewish, in a religious manner
19. You're Jewish, in a derogatory manner.
20. I did something mean to you. Or maybe I just plan to... Oh well, either way something bad will/has happened to you, and I am the cause.
21. I helped you to find yourself by giving you the greatest gift of all, a nickname.
22. People think you hate them.
23. You don't care, you do what you want!
24. Your skin colour is different from my skin colour.
25. You are a dirty Jock.
26. You got arrested, you crazy Nazi.
27. You're a devout christian, except for the porn in your VCR player.

So ya, I kinda had to strech it a little bit to get 26 (all the ones after that have been added after the origional post), but if I think of any more then I'll post them. Enjoy. Don't just post if you think you know which one you are, post if you have any ideas about who any of them are.

Edit - Your turn agnus, go for it.

Okay, so I told Jon I wA going to udate so here we are. I'm drunk. 67ythgbyt4g6hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That was my head against to

Okay. Yeah. That was my HILARIOUSLY funny update from last night.
I've been drunk a good portion of this weekend.
Woo woooooooo!
In any case, I said I was going to update sometime this weekend.
Now seems as good a time as any.

So what's in the news today....it's Sunday.
Fack.
Sunday's a pretty lazy day.
It'd be even lazier if I took up a religion where I'm not allowed to work on Sundays.
Or I could make up my own religion where I don't have to work or give a fuck about my personal hygiene any day except for Friday.
Cause Friday would be "Get Laid Day"
Or "Reproduction Day". Whichever is more symbolic.
My religion would have a lot of symbols.
One would be a Swastika with a picture of Ronald McDonald putting baby cows into a meat grinder marked "Value Burgers" in the middle of it.
I'd also use the Honda logo without paying royalties.
And we'd have a Religional Anthem.
Titled "If you're happy and you know it you must've been converted by us already. If not, then be prepared. Jehova's Witnesses ain't got shit on us."

We'd also worship Dan Rutherford.  I don't know why. I don't need a reason to do things. I pretty much created you, so don't question me.

Ah. I should just make a new game on this thing called "How many people can Angus offend in 100 words or less"







My record's 42. Don't hate me.

I am angus and I suck at everything, including, but not limited to making a half decent post when it's my turn. I am also a flambouyant homosexual. Call me. 892-7766. But only if you're a boy.

Angus was totally right about what my post is going to be like. We totally made the conference our bitch. And we bossed the dance. At least the good part. It was crappy at the beginning, then it got sweet as hell, then it sucked, and then they redeemed it again at the very end. One part of it was really sweet thought. They were playing a lot of Sean Paul. I counted something like 4 songs, which is funny, because last time I checked, he had one marginally catchy song. Anyways, during the third or so, Joel and I got bored, so we managed to drown out the music between the two of us, singing "Barroom Hero". It was great, nobody had any clue what the hell we were singing. Contrary to what Angy Pangy said though, there were some hot girls there. Like Angy said though, one of them was named Natalie, she was pretty hot, and it was hilarious. Basically, she knew she was way out of the league of just about everyone at that conference, so she decided to see how many guys she could dangle on a string. It was great. Angy Pangy and Joel fell right into the trap, but not too badly. There were these two other guys who followed her around everywhere. It was fucking awesome. She had like, 4 bitches, each one of them thinking they totally stood a chance, and that she had the hots for them. That's four not counting Angy and Joel. I wasn't planning on mentioning Halo2 guy, but since I'm following along what Angy Pangy's said so far, I'd better keep up the streak. He was fat, and thought he was all the shit, and was a wang. Time to break away from Angy Pangy.
My roommate wasn't too bad, he was the kind of guy who never got out of that grade 8 "people will think I'm cool if I'm loud" stage. He wasn't a bad guy thought, and I'm glad i had him. On two different occasions, two people started talking about how they hated how many gay people were at the confrence (there were 3 open gays whom I knew of there, there were undoubtedly more though...), and I told them that I hated homophobes, and that if they said anything bad about gay people again, I'd murder them. Their reactions were great. Especially this little french kid I'd been talking to. You could just see the look on his face. The second he said his little "stupid gay people" thing, his face sorta lit up with a whole "man, that was so good, now he'll KNOW how cool I am". His expression was still stuck in "wait, what the fuck just happened?" mode when I wished him a good day and walked off. My roommates friends were really wierd. In addition to being amigos with one of the little homophobes I told off, he had these two girl friends who just didn't realize that you DO NOT call a room at 6 in to morning, or really at all. They called incessantly until I started answering the phone with such heartwarming phrases such as:
"blow me"
"fuck off and die you whore"
"If you ever call my room again, I'm going to rape you, and it will not be fun"
They sorta got the message, but not really.
I've written quite a bit, and most of it's been because I rambled a lot, so I'll wrap this up. JAAC squad were Nazis (except like, two of them), food was good, Jeff had a sweet roommate, chaperones in my house hated me. Also, when Angy and I said we bossed the confrence, we meant it. We kicked the shit out of it. However, Connor kicked the shit out of it more. He managed to stay both nights, hidden in our rooms. It was sweet, we pushed the beds together. Anyways, Angy Pangy and I tied, since the only action any of us got was grinding at the dance, but I propose, that even if Connor was not included in our Challenge originally, we make him the winner. Huzzaah for Connor!


I'm editing: I was being sociable. I wasn't anybody's bitch. If she were an ugly whore, then nobody would be saying anything. So shut it.

Edit again: Ya, Angy was social, but he WAS her bitch. Ask any of the other guys.

I know exactly how Jon's next update is going to go. He's going to say how we made the JAAC conference our bitch, and how we bossed the Much Music Video Dance. He is then going to complain about the nerdiness of all the people there, and proceed to whine about how there were almost no hot girls there, except for one named Natalie, and he will proceed to say she made me her bitch, and that I was whipped, but I don't think he actually knows what that means. He's then going to use the word bitch several times more, and mention Halo 2 guy. And now he's going to update, and you'll have to read that drivel aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall over again.

By the way, we really did make the Much Music Video Dance our bitch.

Also, as for our competition, I do believe Jon and I ended up tied. Which means I won because I'm awesome.

And I don't wanna make fun of Dylan and his stupidity in this update.

So, as of day one at JAAC, here's how the score is. Angus, 0. Jon, 0. This is probably also due to the fact that this confrence is a partial wasteland. Dylan is having a great time hitting on all the hot boys. No joke, I actually saw a kid sitting in the corner picking his nose. It's like a freaking startrek convention. Every so often during the dinner, some amazingly couragous table of nerds would stand up, and begin chanting Oogie Oogie Oogie. And expect us to reply with oi oi oi, or something that effect. Anyways, Angy Pangy wants to have his say on here so I'll sum up and make my closing statement. There are almost no hot girls here. But we will persevere. Also, there are lots of red heads, and jeff wants to be mentioned. Jeff.

Joel wants to be mentioned by me, but i'm nto going to do it. i have to make a quick update, or else I'll be late for the Halo 2 tournament. Ugh. Anyway, I think Jon might be exagerating a little bit. But I will say that we will be taking the asshole route. Aaaaaaaaaaaall the way downtown. On Kurt's sister. Olivia. Ohhhhhhhh baby. Dylan and I skipped part of the conference already to play at the cafe. We didn't suck horribly. I played She Fucking Hates Me. FUCK YEAH! PUDDLE OF MUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:D:D:D:D:D! So I'm having some fun here. Except for Jon's here. Wang. OKAY BYE!

So this is the deal. Jon and I are now having a competition to see who can get more action at the Junior Achievement Atlantic Conference. Hopefully it will have hilarious consequences! We'll keep you posted. And if we're lucky, this journal's rating might go up to PG-13 for slight NUDITY!



And I'll bet that every single one of you forgot about Emo Thursday. Think of how that makes me feel...

Hey Jon
I hear Dylan likes boys. 
In the most homosexual way possible.
What do you think?
Doesn't this make you question his sexuality quite a lot.
The right answer is yes, Jon. YES.

Edit: I agree Angy Pangy, but I do not believe that the real question lies in his unquestionable attraction to members of his own sex, but in wether or not his love of tossing salads is equal to, or greater than that of Joe Macmillian's own sexual love of men. HOLY RUNON SENTENCE BATMAN!!!

Another Edit: I can't figure out this damn formatting thing. It won't let me put a space in between your crappy writings, and my awesome editings. No matter how many times I hit that "enter" button, and how many spaces I put it, every time I hit update, it comes out all jumbled!! Help me Angy Pangy, you're my only hope...

God you suck with computers Jon. It's because of the stupid Mac you have, I'll bet. And are the rumours true Jon? Is it true that you are also homosexual? Homosexual with DYLAN?!?!

Another Edit: Nope, apparently Monothan Jillington might be though... I havn't seen him responding to stuff lately. What do you say, let's let him give us his two cents on this. Mon, give me a call and I'll let you know the top secret password, secret handshake, and special sauce.

Are you physically insane?! You can't give Monothan our password! He'll be the destruction of us all!

Another edit: You know what Angy Pangy? I think YOU'LL be the destruction of us all. I mean, just look at your, with your hair, and your trumpet case, and your shoes. I mean, come on, doesn't that just scream homosexual livejournal threat?

Another edit: I also notice that because you're almost as much as a sack of whore as dylan, you didn't give this post a subject. Bad Angus. I'll let you off with a little slap on the wrist for now, and fix it for you. No treat.

What?! What do my shoes and hair have to do with this?! And you play the clarinet! FAR FAR gayer than the trumpet! You know what? I'll prove to you I'm not gay! I CHALLENGE you to see who can get laid faster and more this weekend at the JAAC thingy! By a girl, even! So bring it on, biatch! I will be victorious, because of my awesome hair and shoes.

Another edit: And thus it is settled. This weekend, Angy Pangy and I will recount everything we do in a tucker max esque style. Or at least we'll try, we might just forget, or the confrence might just be a wastland... Oh well, Kurt's little sister will be there!

I was having a fine day in the girl's locker room the other day when I suddenly was struck with inspiration. Poetic inspiration. - Angus' crappy beginning.

Now for what the real poet in the group has to say.

So the other day we got this assignment in english while we were watching The Dead Poet Society. We had to write a poem. I tried to think of what to write, while the ogre in my class laughed at the protagonist killing himself, and his friends crying because he died. And then it stuck me. I hate him. I just really hate this guy, and all the others like him. So ya. This poem is about things I hate. it's pretty much a work in progress. If you have a line you would like to add. Let me know, and I'll put it on, hopefully we'll get it a few pages long.

In my country there is problem
and that problem is you.
You are the annoying little crunchy bits in my 5 grain bread.
You are all the little bits of food which have accumulated in my keyboard after 5 years,
making my keys stick.
You are the fact that my pen is a twisty top instead of a clicky top,
depriving me of hours of enjoyment.
you are every driver on the whole damn Island.
Learn to turn right.
You are the gross feeling I get in my stomach after eating fast food.
You are every punk band with a song about Bush.
You are the weird little white things in my mince pie.
You are the fact that chicken wings have that gargantuan piece of cartilage on the end
You are my frayed toothbrush.
You are that high pitched noise that the TV makes.
Get the hell out of my head.
You are the bad ass bombers who can’t be bothered to do a real piece.
You are every band that has ever butchered a classic song.
I hate you more than Chalkboards
I hate you more than McDonald's
I hate you more than everyone
who has every written a book with the word “UFO” in the title.
You are Dungeons and Dragons, big headphones, and iPod Shuffles.
You are people who always try to get “boardwalk”
You are livejournal, homophobia, and narcissists
You are everyone with a black and white picture of a flower in a puddle with the words “I miss you” superimposed upon its image for an msn picture.
You are the words “seen”, “worsh”, and the letter “Haych”
You are reality TV.
You are every movie with “The Rock” in it.
You are coffee.
You are every bitter homeless person who spits on your shoes when you have no change for them.
You are everyone who listens exclusively to rap music.
You are everyone who leaves their msn on while they are at school.
You are every pair of jeans, which have been bought new, with rips in them.
You are shirts with Che Guevara on them.
You are people who sit for hours on end in music stores, playing the same riff, over, and over, and over, and over.
I hate you more than crocks, and maternity wear.
I hate you more than movies about sports.
Except Mighty Ducks, that was awesome.
I hate you more than that crappy orange drink that is served at every social event imaginable.
I hate you more than the sweat pants girls wear that have “sweet” written across the bottom.
You are everyone who buys a band T-shirt at bluenotes.
You are orange juice with extra pulp.
You are people who say “bet” as the past tense of “beat”
I hate you more than the movie “The Notebook”
I hate you more than people spell "Jon" "John"
I hate you more than cotton balls.

The original that I handed in to english class was formatted that way where it's all centered. You can format pretty much anything like that and it'll turn out looking poetic and artsy. Fuck reformatting this one.


Angus' Additions to the Poem:
Dylan's gay face.
And the word artsy.
Stopsayingitit'snotfunnyanymore.
And don't overdo the Borat jokes, yo.

I'm also pretty sure Jon hates it when people spell his name John.
BRIAN.

Edit: Orange juice with pulp is fine, but when they put EXTRA pulp in, then you're entering a whole new place. Why the hell would you want more of that crap. It's like ordering a steak with extra bone.

Audit: When people find it necessary to put the word "Edit" whenever they edit a freakin update.
-Angus

Quadit: Let's not fight Angy Pangy, let's just talk about Dylan, and how much of a dirty homosexual he is, and leave it at that. Also, new SE rule, every post must have something mean about Dylan in it. Preferably questioning his sexuality. *bangs gavel*

Oh, you want a fucking update? You wanna fucking laugh?! I'LL MAKE YOU FUCKING LAUGH MOTHERFUCKERS!

So what's in the news today? Nothing? Oh that's right, it's the GUARDIAN for gosh-confounded-sakes!

What's on television? Oh, RERUNS OF SHOWS THAT WERE ONCE GOOD BEFORE YOU SAW THEM A BILLION TIMES?! OR MAYBE THE MATRIX IS ON TBS? OR MAYBE IT'S THE WATERBOY. HAVEN'T SEEN EITHER OF THOSE FIFTY BILLION TIMES IN THE PAST THREE DAYS!!!

Now you might be wondering what I'm so pissed off about. Could it be that the states of the third world countries are in shambles from being run literally into the ground looking for oil? Could it be that I hate school and I'm an angsty teen looking to rebel against the world? Maybe I just had a bad day?

WELL MISTER PSHYCOLOGIST, IT'S NONE OF THOSE THINGS!

You know what I'm pissed off about? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! EVERYTHING'S JUST PEACHY! Thanks for asking.:)









Jerk-offs

Yeah yeah, it's been over a week since my last update. So sue me. I believe that the small amount of people we had reading this before have now stopped reading it. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to write idiotic things all OVER this internet. In faaaaaact, it's time for one of those idiotic things

NOW

Tonight, I will, um, entertain you. Wiiiiiiiith...

 

You know what, screw it. Jon can have the journal back. I fuggin quit muthafugga!